A Mother's Voice

In the movie, "Two Weeks Notice", the central character is a driven woman attorney whose mother teaches law classes.  In explaining why she is so driven and conscientious, she explains it like this: "it's my mother's voice I hear.  For better or worse, she's the voice in my head.."

Can't we all relate to that?  We hear our mother's voices quite often in our heads, telling us the "right" ways to do things, giving certain pieces of advice, perhaps a special praise or even a cruel or cutting put down.

As a mother myself, I wanted to be really careful about what words I used with my children.  I am a person easily built up or torn down by words, so I understand their power.  Even so, I know I spoke harshly in anger at times or even thoughtlessly and hurt my children.  It's just like the illustration with a tube of toothpaste when you squeeze big dollops out and then try to put them back in the tube..it can't be done.  Our words, once spoken can not be called back either.  (If only) 

The Power of A Positive Mom, by Karol Ladd, offers weekly devotions and journal exercises for Moms.  The one entiltled," The Power of Our Words" emphasizes the power and responsibility we have as mothers to use care with our speech.  She quotes the following verses from the book of Proverbs in the Bible:

Prov. 15:1-4, 18:4, 20

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.

The wise person makes learning a joy; fools spout only foolishness.

The Lord is watching everywhere,keeping his eye on both the evil and the good.

Gentle words bring life and health;a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit...

A person's words can be life-giving water;words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling  brook;

Words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach; the right words on a person's lips bring satisfaction

Clearly the power of words is a force to be used in constructive or destructive ways.

In Proverbs 31, that famous passage about the "ideal" wife and mother, the phase I so wish could be said of me is this:

"When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions." v.26

Another versions says:  "The teaching of kindness is on her lips."

That one begs to be a definite index card over the sink reminder.  Of all the things I did right or wrong with my kids, my words, whether kind or harsh are what I remember most.

Think about the empowering difference Moms can make in their children's lives. Here's an example from a woman I know:

Irene's mother when faced with the necessity of traveling out of town on muddy roads in their old car said confidently, "Why, Irene (her daughter) can get us there."  (Irene was 12 at the time and did not share her mothers optimism or assessment of her driving abilities)

I marveled at the confidence that mother had in her daughter;"my daughter or son can do anything".  If you grow up with people believing so strongly in you, you would probably be likely to believe in yourself as well..especially if you also are taught Phillipians 4:13, "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me".

My friend Irene related this tribute toward her mother when she herself was in her 80's.  She had become a teacher, then school administrator, and actually served on an education panel for President Lyndon Johnson in the 1970's.  She had a lively faith in God and her early experiences with a Mom who told her she could do anything stood her in good stead as she hopped planes to fly from Kansas to Washington, D.C. for meetings.

 I cringe to think of what my voice might be repeating in my children's heads.  I wish it was a noble, kind thought or piece of advice but I know I slipped and the "teaching of kindness" was not always on my lips.
I have asked forgiveness of my children but I know also that the words, once out, are there permanently.
As mothers or just as Christian women, we need to work on speaking with kindness.

 Karol has these journal assignments as suggestions:
*choose to use only life-giving words this week with my family and friends
*choose the law of kindness to rule my tongue
*choose to correct or discipline children with strong but gentle instruction"

Look for ways to build up others around you.  Don't give false or hollow praise, but thoughtful and sincere appreciation of others.  Even in the middle of a "tiff" with your family, try to hang on to the teaching of kindness.  Your children will follow your example.  Our world is full of rudeness and put-downs, let's engage in a counter-cultural battle and be lifter-uppers instead.  I read of a girl who started a campaign to encourage other women that they were beautiful, no matter what the mirror might tell them, so she started using post-it notes that had affirming thoughts on them and leaving them on the mirrors in women's rest rooms.
We could do this at our churches, or in our homes for our family.
Our words do have a tremendous power and my prayer is that Jesus will help us to be encouraging (to put courage in) and kind in our words..spoken or written!